Tag Archives: Funny

The return of how you found my blog

Last year I did a blog on some strange searches that found my blog (https://joelhopkins.wordpress.com/2011/02/05/how-you-found-my-blog/).  After having a quick look on my stats from this year, I’ve found another lot of odd and scary searches.
Sadly many of these terms tend to be more sexual, giving credence to the accepted theory that most online are on for porn. And a disturbing amount of this ends up in the homosexual end of the spectrum. Which is strange because I can’t remember blogging too much on that.
But lets star with the most searched terms, that I could call ‘normal’. These have mostly been Stargate related, and a few variations on E.T. “Jurassic park” also turned up over 200 hits.

Things get more strange with 9 searches for “Sean bean pulled apart by horses” and “joel hopkins, the last gamer” with 4. Someone seems to think I was a member of the rock band ‘arcade fire’ as somebody searched “Joel Hopkins a member of arcade fire”. While that flattered me, this did not “mr joel Blog gay”. 20 people have been looking for homosexual aliens as well, with 15 hits for “Gay aliens” and 5 hits for “lesbian aliens”. Watch out “Rich gay men in leeds” people have been searching for you. There was “Skyrim Gay porn” which also found me, but that is enough of the gay searches… because I really  could say more.

There seems to be a lot of wishful thinking with this search “Hitler molested in hell” and “Hitler’s bum hole”  perhaps this photo did generated these.

I am pleased some people have searched for “Barry the pool king” they can find what they are looking for here (https://joelhopkins.wordpress.com/short-story-barry-origins-the-birth-of-the-pool-king/). But those looking for “Barry’s bum” will be disappointed.

I will leave you with this gem “photo of fat man with gas mask on” .

A dating profile (with thoughts) example

I am a 34 year old man (I live with my mum) looking for love (any bodily contact would be fine) . I have an athletic body type (not obese) and of a average hight (little bit shorter). I am impulsive but not that confident (so together it means normal). I am looking for someone with similar interests, music, film, TV, reading, day trips, cuddling, friends, drinking wine (sounds better than “I get pissed every week”), walking on the beach at night or day, animals and going on holiday (I am putting as much as I can think to so we must have one similar interest on there).Cooking is speciality of mine (I would learn something to cook that is nice before our first date) and I like to cook healthy food (this is my polite way of saying no heffers allowed). I am not religious but a person with what I consider to be a good moral code and would expect the same in a partner (nothing kinky in bed).
I have many goals in life I am a writer (I write fan-fic of my favourite TV show) and would love this to be my career path (I am pretty happy on the dole though).  I would love to have kids (I am trying to attract the pre menopausal woman here) though not until I am sure that I am with the person who is the one (making sure that they are not to close to the pause, plus woman love this soppy shit).
I’d want a woman who could I could respect (no sluts) and who would respect me (not to look on my internet history) and someone who I could have an intellectual conversation with (I am trying to put across I think I am smart). I think physical attraction is important but not the be all and all (beggars can’t be choosers).
I look forward to hearing from the right person out there (please).

I just want to say I am not fully taking the piss out of the people that use dating sites;after all in a few years I could be on one (in fact I i’d be surprised if met someone not on one)…..it is more that I am poking a little bit of fun of some of the things that are said in it. I also (without trying to make this in to something more serious than it was) was trying to show a little bit of sadness in the whole thing….  hopefully I made one or two people chuckle… if not I hope you was indifferent rather than offended…. after all we are looking for someone to love.