Monthly Archives: October 2011

Top 5 aliens

Movies, TV shows, games, and books, you can’t get away from the things. They are either funny and cute, or evil child abducting monsters. They might stick a probe up your bum or they might just want to go home. Whatever they want, a truly amazing alien will keep kids up at night; some adults too. A good alien is not just scary, but believable, they might not even be intelligent, but they must look good. A back story can help but keeping the aliens mystery’s is also good.  So this is my top

5. Sandworms (Dune books)

The sandworm!

The sandworm is the only alien on the list that does not exhibit  a clear intelligence. The sandworm or the spice worms, are the central species in Frank Herbert epic Dune novels. The giant worms have are a crucial part of the dune  (Arrakis)  planet, ecosystem. They are the create a spice that allows pilots powers for safe interstellar space travel so they are most important things in the dune universe. The worms are the central to how the whole universe of the Dune Universe and they look pretty bad ass so that is why they are on the list.

4. Combine (half life series)

The adviser combine

In Half life the combine have a number of different looks, they can be transformed human, alien or  a synthetic lifeform with AI .  They have taken over the earth and are extremely smart as well as being completely evil. Combine are harsh rulers that use violence to keep the population subservient. The combine are a lot of different races together, so i can’t go their look to put them on the list, although the grub like alien (pic)  is perhaps the most alien that is shown in the series. The combine is the only truly bad aliens on the list, they have not killed the population but enslaved them. They are my favorite alien race from a game.

3 Prawns (District 9)

Fucking Prawns

The fucking prawns from district 9, are the most disgusting aliens. While the Aliens from Alien drool everywhere, this species eats cat food. The aliens are abused by humans which is a strange twist to the alien movie, and they look like seafood. I like prawns so they are on the list.

2. ET (E.T)

RUN ET, RUN

You can’t have a list of aliens with out including the leathery, rugby ball headed, dwarf. All ET wanted to was “go home” but we humans just could not let that happen. I know how unlikely that an alien would look so close to humans, but would we really feel such sadness for a gas cloud that speaks through farts? i think not. ET goes on because i’d feel bad if i didn’t put the little fella (was he a man?) on here.

1. Grey Aliens (various including stargate)

Asgard a typical Grey alien

When we think of aliens we think of Greys, they are burned into are conciseness. They might be tall or short, they look like unnatural humans that could do with a bite more to eat, and they are at the scariest when you only see their outline. Greys have been in many programs and films with the Asgard from stargate being one of the more famous ones. Given that i am such a big sci-fi fan you might think as a kid i would love aliens, not the case, i had so many nightmares about the Greys, that it is not a joke. I would stay up at night and think they would open my door with their long spindly arms. That is why Greys are number 1 because they scare the shit out of me and a lot of other like minded people.

Boo

I, Partridge We need to talk about Alan – Review

“Whereas i was flying my first sorties into a sexual territory, Carol had been hymen-free for the best part of six years” – Alan

The above is a typical encounter with Alan’s new book. Alan has had a difficult life, which has been filled with the highs and lows which are truly of epic proportions. If any story is deserving of a book then this is it! Alan already had one attempt at selling his story, with his first book Bouncing back, sadly it was  panned (or was refused to be reviewed) and the remaining unsold copies were pulped.

“My eyes filled with a burning white light and Abba drenched my brain. ‘Ahaaaaa!!!!’ I boomed” – Alan

The book tells the whole story of his life, from his humble beginning, to the height of his own BBC 2 chat show. Of course things did not stay golden for Norfolk’s joint second favorite son. Alan shoot one of his guest on stage (who dies),  and so his life soon spirals uncontrollably down from there. He is of course famously know for being a recovering chocolate addict. He goes in to detail on all these subjects in the book. My personal favorite account is of when he had a nice meal in Jail, after killed his shows guest, riveting stuff!

“I’ve been blessed with a superb personality, it translated into shit-hot radio” – Alan 

Of course I know Alan is a fictional character, a smarmy, slimy but funny character. The book is a fictional memoire of Steve Coogan’s popular fictional character. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, it rare i read a biography (never mind a fictional one) so it was a departure from my normal books. The book takes what happend in the tv/radio shows and covers all aspects of Alan’s fictional life, but it is of course always from his point of view. He sees himself as always the victim and  thinks he always right (a bit like me). It is what you expect from the book, funny, awkward in places, and full of Partridgeisums. The book give me hope that we might see more of my favorite Coogan character, perhaps a movie, “Alan in Hollywood”. The only real negative that i can place on the book, is that 300 pages of Partridge can be a little, too much.

Anyway i really enjoyed the book and hope there is more of Partridge.

8/10

An open letter to ITV

Dear Producer/Sir/Madam

My name is Greg Standing and i am a unemployed person of 19 years of age, and as an unemployed person, i have of course caught the GMTV replacement, daybreak. It is impossible not to have heard about the ratings issue that the show has been suffering from since the painful birth from ITV’s vagina . I think that this is, well excuses my language is pants. Daybreak is a quality light entertainment program, and i find that it is a great way to start my day, before setting off to a hard days work (if i worked). However these ratings issues can not just be ignored, a large amount of the viewership, which you did have for GMTV has left, and they left to watch the less lighthearted BBC Breakfast (that or they have died, i hear a lot of old people use to watch GMTV). No, not even the chemistry which flows from Adrian and Christine would save your show.  On another note not to do with the rest of the letter, i do find it slightly annoying that the two are rarely on the show together now a days, i mean i understand why, Adrian has his football and i’m sure Christine has stuff to do as well (washing, etc.).

DO NOT FEAR

I have a simple solution to your problems, that will not only bring back the viewership that left after the re-branding, but it will also bring in new fans (such as shark enthusiast, people who watch snuff films).  Bring back to the fold Fred Talbot and more importantly his floating weather map.

I always liked the not to scale models of British tourist attractions.

As a young child i liked watching “this morning” and catching up on the latest weather predictions, with a cup of tea, before setting off to primary school. But i loved fun more than that (which i just mentioned). And there was nothing more fun, than watching a middle age man jumping between a scale (not to scale) model of the UK. I would love to see Fred the weatherman back on the floating map, unless he is dead*, if he is then a young  (attractive) woman would do. I would not expect that this alone would bring back the viewers, it would need sprucing up. Do not worry i have ideas for that too.

Why not have a shark in the water around the floating map,  it would add a risk element to the forecast, that i personally feel the viewers would love to see (i know i would). Before all the “PC” (political correctness) brigade shout out that it’s too dangerous (which i think  is a silly excuse not to do it) fear not, if the idea does not fly, i say we rip all the teeth out of the shark! This way if Fred falls into the water (which he would be contractually obliged to do once a month) he would not be mauled to death, instead he would be gently gummed, until the shark is shot (humanely). This is not my only idea, no! My next idea is, once a year, you could drag the floating weather map (Fred with it) into the middle of the Atlantic sea. He would not have a support team, and only have what he could grab, as he was dragged out of bed, he would then be chained to the weather map on the morning of the start of the show**. Fred would have to survive for two weeks on the map, with challenges for food taking place; he fails? then he does not eat for the day. I also propose a daily show, the show should be hosted by the Chuckle Brother (or alternatively Ant and Dec; if the Chuckle brother are still contracted to the BBC) which would track his progress. As well exclusive news on Daybreak (see more viewers). I think you would agree that this is much better than any of your current shows.

Fred is ready to be chained to the map

I ask you not to scoff at my idea, as that was what my mum did when i told them to her. I ask you to look at them for what they are; ideas, fresh juice brain ideas, as a zombie would say. And is that not what an old and riddled with realty TV channel needs?  Perhaps i say! So if you would like to contact me, i would be willing to sell my ideas to you (or perhaps  a executive position within the company). I hope that you give the same amount of thought and consideration as i put into writing this.

Regards,
Greg Standing

*I have looked into it, he is not dead; however he is gay, so it’s something that might happen soon (if he gets the aids), so i do suggest a short term contract.

**The chains would have a small timed explosive so they  would blow thus letting him free (free in the confines of the United Kingdom and Southern Ireland floating map land), once land was a set distance away.

A good day for English rugby

It was a great day for English rugby fans on Saturday. I woke up at the early time for myself at 8 in the morning to watch England vs France. It was a predictable match, quite dull, even though there was a surprising number of tries for a match. England lost in the quarter finals and never once looked like they could beat a dominate french side. So the team was unable to emulate the success they have the previous two tournaments (Runners up (2007), Winners (2003)). After the match i yawed, had something to eat.

Afterward i headed to Headingly to get on a coach to Old Trafford to watch the engage super league grand final. In case you don’t know there is two codes for the sport of Rugby, League and Union. One of them get’s next to nothing in terms of media attention, and the other well it’s played down south so it gets a lot. The Super league Grand final is the end of the season match, to crown the super league champions, the super league is top league in the England rugby league, leagues (confused?).
So my team Leeds Rhinos managed to do the unthinkable, after finishing 5th in the league they managed to beat 3 teams in sudden death games, to get to the super league grand final. They broke records before they even got out on the field by becoming the lowest place team ever to get to a grand final. They were winner in a way before they even got there. If they won it, it would meant they would won the super league grand final more times any other, basically meaning they are the best team of the modern era.

There was more than enough back story to make this game a real classic, players on both side was leaving, records to be broken, and St. Helen’s did not want to lose 5 grand finals in a row.  For the first 40 min’s the only thing separated the two teams, was a superber try from the “road runner” of rugby league, little Robbie Burrow. The try for leeds is being, called perhaps the best ever scored at such an occasion, i can’t disagree with the statement either. At half time the score was 8-2 to leeds, and at the start of the second half, St. Helen’s showed what a great team they was, with 20 minutes of pure pressure on the Leeds line. With only 20 mins to go Leeds was 8 points behind with the score at 8-16, but if St. Helens showed was a good side they were, Leeds did the same and then some more, 4 unanswered try’s gave Leeds the title for the 5th time in 8 years. I suppose the score line did flatter Leeds, but no one can deny they were the best team. The match is been called the best grand final, i can’t say i disagree with that either.

A familiar sight

I was such a proud fan, i was one of the many fans that gave leeds no chance of wining the super league grand final, let only get there 8 or so weeks ago.  That is why i’m a fan though, i don’t make the choices and rightly so, our coach has gotten a lot of flack, some of it deserved at times though, but he did not let it get to him and stuck to his guns, and the side showed what a true champion side they are.

Song of the month – October – And other news of note

A band that i liked, but i have not heard of them for a while “Fun.”, a quick look on the internet showed that they have released a new single. The song “We are young” which features another song of the monthie – Janelle Monae. The song is not normally one i’d like, but the fact it’s been in my head for the past few days must mean good things, i’m looking forward to listening to the rest of the new fun. album.
Any way here is the song.

And a long over due

Other news of note
Leeds are surprisingly in another final this year, getting to their 6th Grand Final in 8 years an amazing achievement, they will be playing St. Helen’s who are in their 6th consecutive appearance, amazing (having lost the last 4, 3 of those to Leeds)!! I will be off on Saturday for the match.

Hope you enjoyed the photos from Rome.

No luck on the job front…

I’ve just ordered a book

I think the cover tells you everything, you need to know about the book. The purchase brings me on to another point, a couple of weeks ago, i did a top 5 comedy TV programs, for some strange reason i completely forgot about Alan and missed him out of the list. He should have be straight in at number one, which would remove extras from the list.

Nothing much has happened on the writing front, which of course get’s me down, but i keep fighting my corner against the doubts in my head that i’m not good enough.